I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
