so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
