so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
