my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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