I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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