You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
