if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
