Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
