I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
