What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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