Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
