This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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