I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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