Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
