Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
