Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
