U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You have to summon your inner elephant
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
