Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
