He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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