Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
