I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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