If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
