I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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