My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it glows. i had to have it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
