Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
