just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
