That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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