Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize