today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
