so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
