Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
