i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
