i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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