if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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