Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
