I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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