I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
