So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize