i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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