Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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