my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
