I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
