Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
