I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
