I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
