dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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