4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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