THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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