Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
