i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
