I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
