YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
