no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
