North Korea, Best Korea!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
