i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
