i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
