I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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