Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
