I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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