Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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