you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
