you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize