Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
