its not stalking. its research.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
