he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
