She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
