Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
