I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
