Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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