Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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