Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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